Mom/Daughter Time with the Wannabes

By Betsy Biederstedt

How often do you and your mom or you and your daughter get together with the explicit purpose of laughing, poking fun at each other, and seriously discussing issues of which your dad, husband, or brother have absolutely no clue? Rarely. In the Biederstedt home, we just don't make time to do such. We have "more important things to do" like gymnastics practice, soccer games, piano lessons and homework! Never mind grocery shopping, working, laundry, and filling out our tax forms!

Last week, my daughter Susan and I were able to attend Rosalind Wiseman's "Girl World Tour 2010" sponsored by Big Hat Books and presented at St. Richard's School. This interactive time with the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes provided all of the above - and then some!

Best parts of the evening:

• Susan looking at me with huge eyes and asking, "Really?" upon hearing from Rosalind that as a mom I have ugly, hurtful, nasty feelings toward anyone who attempts to hurt, be mean to, or treat her poorly. (answer: YES!)
• Me laughing with my daughter as she rendered a dead-on imitation of me "Freaking Out!" (which many of us do when we hear "troubling" news about our child)

Some key take-aways for me as a mom:

• My daughter DOES want to talk about how girls treat each other.
• My daughter is READY to talk about these things. I thought she was too young (she's in 4th grade). Daughters are never too young to talk to their moms.
• My daughter has a great sense of HUMOR. I forget to allow her to be her. I like the HER!

Key take-aways for my daughter:

• Her mom can laugh at herself!
• Her mom WANTS to talk about more than her grades, sports, and schedules.
• Friends and relationships can be complicated.

We were happy to have the moms and daughters of Susan's closest friends in attendance at the event with us. The night has spawned MANY further conversations at our home, and at the homes of her friends. We have talked about texting, overnight sleep-overs, and the very beginnings of feelings for boys. I had no idea my daughter had thoughts on any of these! But she is talking about these now with me... which is the beginning to good conversations about deeper values and ideas that I can now see are on the horizon. My mom-friends and I are so glad to have these conversations NOW - as we believe they are keeping the doors open to more in-depth and supportive conversations as our daughters enter the tangled webs of Junior High and High School.

If you were at the event, please share your favorite moment, a later conversation you had with your daughter, or a key take-away you had. Feel free to share some special ways in which you have "door opening" conversations with your child.

Finally - we all "Wannabe" the best mom, daughter, sister, and friend possible. Make the time to have the conversations and experiences to do so with the girls and women in your life that you value. Go for lunch (yes, Chuck E. Cheese can count as a special lunch experience!), go to the library and sit in an aisle just the two of you, or simply sit on the couch together when everyone else is out of the house. Talk. Listen. Share.